fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
