Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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