I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
