I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
