i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
tell me about the fingering
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