So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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