Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
