i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
