I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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