Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
