you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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