I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
