I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
