The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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