Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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