I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
