I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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