I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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