Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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