Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I puked a lego.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
