I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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