dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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