It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
