She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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