You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
