I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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