Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
