But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
