If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
