i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
