Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize