I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
