Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
