Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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