I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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