I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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