They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
