i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
