its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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