omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
