You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
