I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
