ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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