Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
