I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
