My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
