I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
