Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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