So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
