I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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