I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
