Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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