Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
