Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
