I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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