i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What a dumb baby whore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
