I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
