He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
