dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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