Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
