this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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