I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
