I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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