Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
