Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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