Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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