I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".