she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is