In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
