What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly