so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed