Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work

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(201): I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work http://tfl.nu/3682

Replies (16) Good night (3366) Bad night (1112)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i have a food baby... i think its a boy...

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(717): i have a food baby... i think its a boy... http://tfl.nu/2cf1

Replies (20) Good night (1409) Bad night (4082)
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(631): View more from New York

I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.

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(631): I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form. http://tfl.nu/sx5m

Replies (13) Good night (3886) Bad night (993)
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(517): View more from Michigan

My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX

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(517): My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX http://tfl.nu/rv1c

Replies (23) Good night (1139) Bad night (6273)
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(916): View more from California

I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.

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(916): I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was. http://tfl.nu/vzii

Replies (9) Good night (1144) Bad night (2272)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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(519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe

Replies (5) Good night (4853) Bad night (805)
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(641): View more from Iowa

FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.

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(641): FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS. http://tfl.nu/fecm

Replies (6) Good night (2041) Bad night (1067)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...

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(902): Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going... http://tfl.nu/liwq

Replies (4) Good night (1486) Bad night (688)
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(512): View more from Texas

I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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(512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u

Replies (2) Good night (1001) Bad night (484)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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(775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv

Replies (14) Good night (1540) Bad night (424)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much

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(413): So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much http://tfl.nu/o5r3

Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (222)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.

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(816): I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo. http://tfl.nu/f2jj

Replies (8) Good night (602) Bad night (309)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy

(1-505): View more from New Mexico

No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad

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(505): I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy (1-505): No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad http://tfl.nu/sh07

Replies (1) Good night (613) Bad night (282)
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(716): View more from New York

You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.

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(716): You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest. http://tfl.nu/draf

Replies (2) Good night (302) Bad night (176)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?

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(+44): I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators? http://tfl.nu/j1za

Replies (4) Good night (529) Bad night (150)

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