I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.