I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
