So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
