hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
